The curve ball

Ever feel like you’re just going along your merry way, enjoying life, thinking everything is grand when out of nowhere someone hits you with a curve ball? It could be something life altering, or just a comment made by a loved one. But it kind of shoots you back to reality, right? It reminds me not to get too comfortable. It reminds me that anything can happen. That we are not safe from hurt. And whenever this happens to me, I go through the same thought processes. I think “what can I do prevent this from happening next time? I need to find a way to always have it in the back of my mind, that I shouldn’t get too comfortable, that I should always be a little leery, always keep the thinnest of walls up”.  That usually lasts for about a day, and then I go back to being my usual happy, trusting self. The truth is, I don’t want to live cautiously. I don’t want to live being aware that I could get emotionally hurt at any time. I don’t want to live only giving half of myself to the people around me. It’s not in my DNA to be that way. It’s in my DNA to fully trust, to fully be comfortable and to fully believe that things will work out. Sure I get hit by the curve ball sometimes, but I always get back up. So it’s a choice, right? You can choose to always be on guard, or you can choose to live fully and deal with the hurt when it comes. I choose to live.

Get GREEN GREEN GREEN!

My man and I have been thinking about setting up a compost in our backyard. I started reading about it, and now every time I throw something away I feel extremely guilty and wasteful. You can’t put everything in the compost, but you can put most things in there. It’s actually quite a science. Finding the proper balance so things breakdown faster, what you can and can’t throw in there, what time of the year to do what, etc…All I know is that 99% of our kitchen mess that we throw in the trash could go in the compost. Maybe I’ve just never noticed before, but why would I help fill a landfill when I could easily just break down most things and return it to the land? Check it out. Very cool! www.compostguide.com

My Love Affair: The END

That’s it, it’s over. I can no longer bring myself to buy a tall hot chocolate every morning at work. Overnight they raised the price by something like 50 cents. I felt guilty enough as it was spending a little under 2 bucks EVERY day on hot chocolate. So now that I’d have to pay $2.27, I’m over it. This is a good excuse for me to stop spending. I think I’ll start drinking hot tea. I can bring the tea from home so it’ll be super cheapo!! Goodbye my dear drink, goodbye.

Live while you still can…

Yesterday I saw a new patient, he was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. A death sentence, really. The doctor was telling him about his options and then he started talking about the things no one wants to talk about. He said although some patients can live a few years with this type of cancer, most do not. He said this is the time to start thinking about the things in his life he wants to complete. He gave some examples. He said, some people want to go fishing in alaska, others want to go back to their homeland to see friends and family, etc…

I’ve worked in oncology for about 8 years now and I’ve seen a lot. But on this day, hearing this doctor tell this man basically to “LIVE”, made me fight back the tears. Why wait until we’re diagnosed with a terminal disease to “live”? Living is something we take for granted, but shouldn’t.  This poor man, one day he’s healthy and the next day he’s dying. He was surrounded by his wife and children, and they have no idea what they’re in for, but I do. The advice from the doctor is good advice, but it kills me to hear it. To hear it makes it real. To hear it reminds me that the man who sits in front of me today will probably not be here in 6 months; and that he has 6 months to try and “complete” his life. Sometimes I feel like I have the hardest job ever.

the Light that we all need

When we have a life changing experience, we’re bound to be at our most vulnerable. Our biggest insecurities use this opportunity to show their ugly faces. And no matter how hard we work on dealing with them, at certain times, they surface. When this happens, I feel like I’m stuck in this dark ugly hole of negativity that I can’t get out of. But I’m finding that once I’m able to crawl out of that hole, there is this shining light waiting for me.  He does everything he can to help me through it, to make it better. And when I’m the only person who can bring me out of it, he’s there, waiting with open arms to comfort and hold me and let me know it’s ok. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I don’t like to show that side of me. I don’t like to show the side I’ve worked so hard to get rid of. But when it happens, I couldn’t ask for anything more than to be with someone who is willing to wait with me until the storm passes. He’s my light and I’m lucky as hell to have him.

Attention Cat Owners…

Please, for the love of the environment and marine life everywhere, stop flushing your cat’s feces down the toilet. Many people innocently dump their cat’s kitty litter into the toilet for disposal. Unfortunately, what they don’t see is the long term effects it is having on marine life. A parasite from the feces has been found to be a major cause of deadly brain damage in California Sea Otters. And that’s the just the beginning. Learn more here. Research it for yourself. Do the work and then do the responsible thing.

YahooOOooo! Holiday Party Fun!

Last night I accompanied my boyfriend to the Yahoo! end of the year holiday party. It was huge. It was fun. It was a great night. With ice carvers, gambling, a hookah lounge, an awesome 80’s cover band, an open bar and great company, you’d have to be a moron to have anything less than a freakin fun ass time. The highlight? If you ask my boyfriend he’ll tell you it was seeing me up on stage with 10 other women while the 80’s cover band sang “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. And yes, that was a great time. But the highlight for me was when my boyfriend grabbed my hand and said “c’mon, we’re going dancing”. I had been asking him all day if he was going to dance with me (fast dance, not slow),and he insisted he was not into it. But an hour or so in to the party he grabbed me to go dance. It was a great feeling. Not only was it so much fun to dance with him, but I kept thinking what a great sport he was. That he was doing this because he knew how much it meant to me. Turns out he had a great time as well. I’ve never had a boyfriend who would get up and dance with me, especially fast dance to some rad 80’s music! We scratch each others back, right? So in return I attempted the hookah. Normally I don’t smoke anything and I thought I’d end up coughing up a lung or something attractive like that. But I didn’t . I took a few puffs with no coughing to be had. It was fun to take part in something my boyfriend enjoys. Thanks for the memories, Yahoo! We’ll definitely be talking about this one for quite a while.Here’s a pic of us before we left for the party. As soon as some of his co-workers post their pics on flickr you’ll be able to check us out AT the party.  

If I could have one super power…

It would be the power to be able to tell ahead of time the assholes who will not say “thank you” after I hold the door for them.  Then I wouldn’t have to waste my time. Fuckers.

For The Love of Rain

Rainy days. It rained all morning. It’s taking a break now, but I think it’s supposed to start up again soon. When I look outside I see the gray sky and wet cement. Rainy days always feel warm and cuddly to me. I have images of lying in bed cuddled up with my dogs, a book, and a cup of coffee, hot chocolate or hot tea. It’s the perfect day dream. My mom knows what I’m talking about. When people would be complaining about the rain, we’d just look at each other and smile, both of us having the same day dream about cuddling up on the sofa with the fireplace on and a good book in hand. And it’s not only rainy, it’s 53 degrees out. Cold for the girl who spent most of her life in Florida. I hear Winter is the rainy season in California. I think I’m going to like it here.

Ahh…my Miniflowers!