What’s it like to be me? Let me tell you…

Ever since I was little I’ve been afraid of tape measures. Not the actual tape measure, but of it slamming me in the hand if I was to let go of it once I was finished. So I’d always hold onto it,  making sure it went back in nice and slow.  I’d watch my dad when he was done measuring something, he would always just let go of it and it would shoot back in, not a scratch on him. As I got older I’d watch boyfriends use them, my ex-husband use them, strangers use them, and they would always let go of them when they were done.  It would shoot back in super fast and they would act like it was nothing, no big deal at all. They wouldn’t even flinch!  I would just  watch in awe. Well, I’m 35 and today I decided it was time for me to become a woman. My boyfriend texted me asking me to measure this inflatable boat in our garage. So I did it. I grabbed his tape measure, and measured a good 12 feet. That’s a lot of tape measure to come shooting back my way. But I told myself I could do this. I told myself I’d be just fine, just like every other person that has ever used a tape measure. So I let it go. And  just as it was about to complete it’s journey home, it bends, hits the floor of the garage and comes bouncing back at my hand at full speed. FUCK! Full on broke the skin. And that, my friends, is a taste of what it’s like to be me .

Flat iron: R.I.P.

When I was introduced to the flat iron roughly 6 years ago, it changed my life. Finally, my wavy hair could sit flat and behave. And since then I’ve gotten thousands of compliments on my hair. People would stop me on the street and ask where I got my hair cut. I was extremely pleased for many years. More recently, if I was too lazy to blow dry it on the weekends, or got rained on, my hair would wave out and my secret would be known. But I started getting compliments on my waves, especially by significant other at the time. I never thought much of it though becasue I was happy with my straight locks. After all, I had spent 28 years with wavy hair that wouldn’t sit flat and now that I found hair bliss, I wasn’t about to get rid of it! A few weeks ago I was at a water park with my new man and his kids and the waves made an appearance. Apparently he thought they were beautiful. I think he was shocked. Shocked that I would get rid of my naturalness for flat/straightness. And then I started to agree. I started to get bored of the straightness. Now when I see my waves they look more fun to me. More natural and carefree and I’m enjoying it. Apparently the key is to NOT blow dry my hair. When it dries naturally it really doesn’t frizz. It just has these cute curls that suit me. So good bye flat iron. It’s been real, but now it’s time for ME to be real.

The longest blog you’ve ever read about hair? Probably.

The Mix CD

Sure it’s 18 years later, and instead of a cassette tape it’s a CD filled with MP3’s, but it still has the same effect. It’s still a really sweet gesture. I still listen to it when I want to think intensely about the person, just like I did when I was 16.  Funny how some things never change.

This is how I feel sometimes…seriously

What makes me laugh?

This had me laughing for a good 15 mins. Seriously, laughing where no sound is coming out and you’re not even really breathing. Enjoy. Or don’t. 

My Love Affair: The END

That’s it, it’s over. I can no longer bring myself to buy a tall hot chocolate every morning at work. Overnight they raised the price by something like 50 cents. I felt guilty enough as it was spending a little under 2 bucks EVERY day on hot chocolate. So now that I’d have to pay $2.27, I’m over it. This is a good excuse for me to stop spending. I think I’ll start drinking hot tea. I can bring the tea from home so it’ll be super cheapo!! Goodbye my dear drink, goodbye.

Why I could never be a P.I.

At my last job people always made comments that they could hear me coming, that they knew it was me, even if they couldn’t see me, b/c my  heals made so much noise. I found this interesting. I don’t wear particularly heavy heals at all, and being that I only weigh 92lbs, it made no sense to me. I’m so light it should be like I’m walking on a cloud, right?  Still, just yesterday I saw a patient of mine about 50 ft from me, and as soon as I moved from the carpet to the tile,  my patient immediately turned around and spotted me. Sometimes when they’re waiting in an exam room, and I go in to see them, it’s “ I knew that was you, I’d know your walk anywhere”. I’ve gotten that from more than a couple of patients. Why must I walk so loudly? I almost feel like I’m disrupting people because it’s so loud. And if Im coming around a corner, you can see the surprise in their eyes when they see this petite girl. You can tell they expected a hefty person with much girth to be making that ruckus. There’s no sneaking around for me. Guess I could never be a veronica mars, the bad guys would hear me coming a mile away.  And speaking of Veronica Mars, best TV show ever to not last a 4^th season. If you haven’t heard of it, check it out. Watch at least 2 episodes before judging. You’ll thank me.

The truth about Addie & Astro

1. They’re 2 of the cutest dogs around. This is not based on parental bias. It’s a fact.

2. Addie is ruthless, built like a brick and will run into a table full force and just shake it off. I’ve witnessed this first hand. She’s more male than female.
3. Astro is soft and cuddly and only has 2 goals in life. The first  is to find the softest place on earth to lay, and lay there. The second is to have you constantly cuddle  and love him. If you pick him up too quickly he meeps. He’s more female than male.
4. Addie will, at all times, act like she hasn’t eaten in days.
5. Astro will, at all times, care less if he never eats again.
6. Addie sheds like it’s going out of style and leaves her hair EVERYWHERE.
7. Astro, on a bad day, has “butt juice” that smells like rotton fish and dead quirrel. If it’s a REALLY bad day that butt juice will leak all over the sofa, or worse, your pillow.
8. Addie and Astro are best friends. When astro comes inside from playing Addie turns into the gentle female that’s buried deep inside of her. She ever-so-gently grabs the grass and leaves that are stuck to astro’s fur and pulls them off with her teeth. She then proceeds to eat them.
9. Addie and Astro will always greet you when you come home. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been gone all day at work or if you just went to get the mail. They give you love like nothing else matters!

 The truth about Jono and Jenna? We’re the luckiest parents alive J   

The Art of Pigging Out

A little bit of history….I have super vivid memories of me eating Little Caesar’s crazy bread every day or so when I was about 15. Nothing tasted as good as that spongey, cheesy bread dipped in that delicious tomato sauce known as crazy sauce. These memories have stayed with me throughout the years and they’ve stayed strong. As time went on it seemed that little caesar’s disappeared. They were no where to be found. But yesterday, as we were driving, I happened to glance out the passenger window and there it was. In big bright beautiful orange  letters “Little Caesar’s”!! California IS the land where dreams come true, right? I made a comment to Jono about it and continued driving. Tonight, as I sat on my bed playing on my computer and contemplating what to make for dinner, it hit me. I must have it. I was so scared that it was a facade. I had visions of me driving back to the spot where I saw it yesterday only to find an empty space. But alas, I arrived, and it was beautiful. I ordered my crazy bread and crazy sauce and even got some pizza for us. I got home, ran to the table and dug in. The pizza can wait. With each bite I remembered why I loved it so much. One might think that after 19 years they might change their method, right? Nope. Why mess with perfection? that’s what I always say. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t start to get a stomach ache halfway through my order. But I couldn’t stop. I was too determined. I’d waited too many years for this moment and I was going to enjoy every minute of it, dammit! Then I started thinking, I better have a slice of pizza just so I’m not TOTALLY unhealthy. I lift up the top of the pizza box only to find? Pepperoni. Since I don’t eat meat, eating the pizza was out of the question. Back to the crazy bread. By the last piece I was stuffed. With jeans unbuttoned and repeatedly thanking the gods for my fast metabolism, I sit back with a huge smile on my face and think, now THIS is satisfaction!

The Georgian and the Japanese

Me backwards = anne J 

Him backwards = ono J.